Vol 009 | April 22 2021

Hello, nice to see you! This is the ninth volume of The Persistence, which rounds up female-focused reads to help you feel seen, save time and make sense of the world. If you enjoy this, please share it around.

LIGHT

HOW TO MASTER THE ART OF LANGUISHING

For the last few weeks, the word ‘stuck?’ has been written on what passes for a plan for this newsletter. At least four women I know have said it during our chats. It felt like ‘a thing’ but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it actually was. After all, each woman spoke of something slightly different. For one friend, it’s to do with not being able to visit family overseas. Another is on the cusp of a career change, her finger hovering over pressing the button but unsure “when precisely in a pandemic do you pull the plug on your job?” And a third feels “stuck” working from home, with no end in sight, and fears how it will impact on her future career. But while their experiences are different, the emotions surrounding them are the same. There’s an eagerness for change, but a weariness at all the uncertainty. A sense that even making small steps towards a goal is a bit pointless when the world could pause again at any moment. And boy, does it. Today, my daughter is off school again due to a class Corona scare again, and I’m back to fixing Roblox glitches (unsatisfactorily) while typing (ditto) and weighing up whether to get a Corona test. Again. Hey, at least this time we can buy a self test! Nothing like invading your own nasal passage to get the creative juices flowing I find.

Anyway. One thing HAS actually moved forward this week. Organisational Psychologist Adam Grant has officially identified this weird state of inbetweenness as ‘languishing’, and declared it as an unofficial (quickly anointed as official by the internet) side effect of long-haul pandemic life. In case this hasn’t made it on to your social feed, he writes;
“Languishing is a sense of stagnation and emptiness. It feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield...It dulls your motivation, disrupts your ability to focus, and triples the odds that you’ll cut back on work.”

If you’re nodding along knowingly with all this, then I’d highly recommend also reading How will we know if the pandemic is really over? And How will we feel when it is? It’s a thoughtful examination of how not just our circumstances but our expectations could be fuelling our sense of being stuck during the pandemic. This quote really stood out: “Most of us have drifted through these often-disastrous last few months rather than really lived them. And now, while we have all been hoping for a clear conclusion to the pandemic, it’s likely that there won’t be a single day to mark in celebration. Rather, ‘the end’ may be a series of small events and gradual re-emergences into a changed reality as changed people.”

Perhaps rather than trying to rapidly move on, we’d do better to acknowledge all that we’ve been through first, the writer and psychologist Ellen Braaten argues. Could it be that while we’re languishing, we’re not actually stuck after all, but simply taking stock? Sounds more hopeful to me.

LOVE

HELEN MCCRORY - OUR KIND OF WOMAN

There really is no follow up to Damian Lewis’ incredibly beautiful tribute to his wife, the British actor Helen McCrory, star of Peaky Blinders and The Crown, who passed away last Friday. But I wanted her to have a place here this week. So below are two very different interviews with her from over the years, in which her personality almost cartwheels across the page.

That at 52 she died shockingly young, we can all agree, but I’ve also been pondering the opinion I’ve heard several times that her death should put pay to all those women who complain about ageing. Because while yes, of course we all know getting older is indeed a gift, I don’t think it’s a contradiction to mourn her and at other times acknowledge that ageing is still spectacularly loaded for women.

After all, how often do we see fashion campaigns, job descriptions, dating profiles, championing women over 40 - women we recognise or aspire to be? Until there’s an equivalent ‘silver fox’ compliment for grey-haired women, I don’t think we should feel bad if we sometimes struggle to shake that off. There are so few visible women lighting the way ahead, that at times it can feel like a scary place to go. And McCrory, with her defiance, her vivacity, her sex appeal and not least her incredible talent, was one of those women. RIP.

In her own words:
1. A rare candid but oh so casual chat covering every aspect of her life, from 13 year old DM wearer to midlife dishwasher-refusenik.
2. The chemistry crackles in this joint interview with her husband, Damian Lewis for British Vogue. From Champagne and Chanel to school run chat. Delightful.

RELATIONSHIPS

HOW TO DITCH THE MENTAL LOAD

If you’re in a straight relationship, “Why Women Do the Household Worrying” might be one of the most valuable things you read this week. Do yourself a favour though, and read it aloud, within earshot of your partner. Sharing is caring and all that. Without lecturing, it gives a brilliantly clear breakdown of the mental load - the planning, cogitating and double checking involved in completing certain domestic tasks - that is carried almost subconsciously by one party, and not even seen by the other. Think of it as the mental equivalent of that pile of stuff on the stairs.
As the writer says;

“Women’s antenna seemed to be constantly up and looking for these things. Whereas men were often very happy to help once their partner had alerted them to the issue and they might’ve gotten to it eventually on their own, but women were consistently getting there first and either doing it themselves or saying: “Hey, this is the thing you need to handle. Are you thinking about it?””

While we’re on the topic, Why LGBTQ couples split household tasks more equally is a refreshing and insightful read - a same but different take on domestic life with less gender stereotypes, revealing how “queer couples are more likely than their straight and cisgender peers to actively negotiate their roles in the household.” Good luck to us all.

POWER

THE PERIOD DRAMA NO ONE WANTED TO WATCH

What can we take away from the Pinky Gloves scandal? If you’ve missed this gem of a story, two German dudes set out to solve that most debilitating menstrual complaint that no one had ever heard of - how to take out your tampon without touching it or your actual body. Yes, while generations of women have hoped for scientific breakthroughs for period pain, PCOS, or say, speedier diagnosis for endometriosis, these guys figured the most pressing concern was whether we get a bit of blood on our finger. Their inspired solution was to ‘invent’ a disposable plastic glove with which to remove the offending tampon, and then wrap it up in for disposal, like some kind of Barbie sponsored dog poo bag. Classy.

Maybe I’m running a temperature, but I’m finding the whole thing pretty amusing. Firstly there’s the name, Pinky Gloves, which sounds more like a faux-prim drag act than a disruptive start-up. Then there’s the mock website, Bluey Gloves, which popped up with impressive speed and is a worthy two minute distraction if you’re in need of a laugh, for men who want to ‘hygienically hold the sweaty penis while urinating.’ 

And finally there’s the valuable life lesson from witnessing two men pitch such a nonsense idea on ACTUAL TV - they appeared on Germany’s Die Höhle der Löwen (The Lions’ Cave) similar to Shark Tank or Dragon’s Den - which Arwa Mahdawi rightly points out in this snappy takedown. “Are you a woman who has ever thought to yourself: “Maybe I’m not good enough?” In the future I implore you to brush these doubts aside and remember Pinky Gloves. Whenever you are worried you have come up with a stupid idea, try channelling the confidence of a man who not only invents completely ludicrous genital gloves, but proudly pitches them on national TV.”

Admittedly, the punchline falls a bit flat. Pinky and Perky (I’d do them the honour of researching their names if they’d done the same about our needs) were given €30,000 investment by a male investor, whilst just last month it was revealed that only 2.3% of VC funding went to women-led start ups in 2020. As with this example, it’s generally men doing the funding, and they tend to stick with the boys. Yup, even when it’s a female-based product.

So what can we take away from all this? Hopefully, how useful it is to have a woman’s perspective on what is or even isn’t a woman’s problem. Certainly, that if a pink glove can get funding, there’s plenty of money out there. And lastly? Well, maybe blue gloves aren’t such a bad idea after all…

The gloves are off… Smart advice for female funding:

1. Starting up? For an honest, no-bluster breakdown of the many stages of a start-up - in this case, building a VR meditation app which might just get me to tune out, ‘I lived on friends’ sofas for six months’ is a really informative read

2. Ready to pitch? 8 female VCs spill what investors want to hear, see and understand about your business, as well as what you should look for in a partner. Like a dry run for your pitch deck.

3. Looking to invest?:
Women-led health care companies are finally getting recognition. "If you want to make a bet on personalized care, women are the smartest bet to make."

I love hearing your views on the newsletter, the state of the world or just what the hell’s for dinner tonight. Hit me up below.

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Photo by Yasin Arıbuğa design Sage Bronk